Top 10 funniest football chants in Britain
True to our name (Sport Antics) we decided to give you our favourite top 10 funniest chants heard in football stadiums across Britain. The British football fans are known for their witty chants. It seems many ‘literary geniuses’ that inspire the masses go to football matches in Britain and regularly come with some crackers for all to enjoy.
The list below is by no means exclusive but it sure cracks a smile when we hear it on a football ground. So, let’s start our count of the top 10 funniest football chants.
When the saints go marching in wherever that may be
We love this chant that pretty much all fans in England use when they visit an away ground. It has always fascinated us when let’s say fans of a team the size of Shrewsbury Town travel to a stadium like “Old Trafford” and sing this:
“My Garden Shed! (My garden shed)
Is bigger than this! (Is bigger than this)
My garden shed is bigger than this!
It’s got a door and a window…
My garden shed is bigger than this!”
This chant is sung to the tune of the American Gospel Hymn – “When The Saints Go Marching In”.
Yellow Polka dot bikini Northern Irish style
The fans of Northern Ireland had a crack praising their national star Warren Feeney. Every time Feeney was wearing the shirt of Northern Ireland on a football pitch it was guaranteed that the following chant would be audible from the stands:
“We love our, Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny, Baldy-headed Warren Feeney.”
This is sung to the tune of “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” by (Sir) Timmy Mallett.
Howard Webb’s Old Trafford affair
Next on our list of the 10 funniest football chants is a slightly disturbing one. Still, it cracks a smile more than anything.
The ex-English referee Howard Webb was accused many times of making vital decisions during matches in favour of Manchester United during his career. For many years his decisions on the pitch angered other fans. Liverpool supporters eventually came up with this explanation why that was:
“He’s bald, he’s red,
He sleeps in Fergie’s bed!
Howard Webb, Howard Webb!”
This is sung to the tune of the famous football chant “He’s here! He’s there…”
Guantanamera’s Scottish version
Next on our list of top 10 funniest football chants from Britain comes from Scotland. Everybody knows about the rivalry between the Glasgow foes Rangers and Celtic. So, when the ex-Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram was diagnosed with a mild form of schizophrenia it took Celtic’s fans less than a week to start singing this to the tune of “Guantanamera”:
“Two Andy Gorams / There’s only two Andy Gorams.”
We’d say borderline distasteful but still funny.
Remember Bury and their own John Lewis?
Bury football club had to declare bankruptcy recently but there were happier days before that for the fans of the Shakers. A few years back they had Lenny John Lewis in their ranks. He became most famous for his late goals coming off the bench and Bury fans came up with this tune for him:
“His name’s a department store. You know he’s gonna score.”
This is sung very tastefully to Verdi’s opera tune “La Donna e Mobile.”
That’s amore for Zamora
The tall striker Bobby Zamora had a mixed career in England. He was much loved by Brighton’s fans but Fulham’s fans were very disappointed with him after he went for a very long period without scoring a goal.
Both sets of supporters came up with chants about Bobby Zamora, both are funny in their way. Here is the Brighton fan’s version: “When the ball hits the goal, It’s not Shearer or Cole, It’s Zamora!”
As explained Fulham’s fans were far from happy with the contributions of the striker so they tweaked the chant and sang this: “When you’re sat in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that’s Zamora, that’s Zamora!”
Both these chants are sung to the tune of Dean Martin’s song “That’s Amore”.
Liverpool’s own Father Ted
We continue our countdown of the 10 funniest football chants from Britain with a refrain Liverpool supporters loved while the Irish striker Robbie Keane was playing for them. This is what the fans used to sing:
“He’s fast, he’s red, he talks like Father Ted.”
Newcastle’s happy days
There was a time when Habib Beye played for Newcastle United. The fans of the Magpies came up with this tune during that period and it was a hugely popular and uplifting tune to get everyone going right before kick-off. Here is what Newcastle’s supporters chanted to the tune of “Happy Days” written by Norman Gimble and Charles Fox:
“Sunday, Monday, Habib Beye. Tuesday, Wednesday, Habib Beye. Thursday, Friday, Habib Beye. Saturday, Habib Beye, rockin’ all week with you!”
Man United’s London connections
During the Sir Alex Ferguson era, Man United became the most successful team in England for a brief period. This led many young football fans from London who were not closely associated with any of the football teams from the capital to pick the Red Devils as a team they support.
As a result nowadays every time Man United travel to London for a match this chant is guaranteed to be heard from the stands: “You only live round the corner.” The chant implies that all Man United fans are Londoners.
It’s hard to say which fanbase from the capital started it first but these days every London team fanbase uses it.
It will be what will be Wembley
We finish our top 10 funniest football chants with one that ultimately elates and makes the fans who sing it feel great. Most cup finals, promotion play-off finals and other minor cup competitions in England are contested at the iconic London stadium Wembley as a rule.
This gives teams of all divisions and sizes the chance to eventually get to such a joyous moment of playing at Wembley in a decisive final. When qualification for such a game is achieved all fans of that club sing the following to the tune of another famous classic “Que Sera Sera”: “Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, we’re going to Wembley”
This is our choice for the top 10 funniest football chants from Britain. We know there are hundreds more out there that we didn’t include. We’re sure we don’t know about plenty of others too. Why don’t you tell us who are your favourite chants?